Hard

It's been one year since our ward was formed. Brian was called as 1st counselor in the Bishopric and I was called as 2nd counselor in the Primary. I knew Brian would be called as a counselor in the bishopric, I was prepared for that. But I was shocked when I was given the call to serve in the Primary presidency. That unwritten rule they have of, "If your spouse is in a more demanding calling the other spouse will be given an easier one." Some how didn't apply to us? So I happily accepted and tried my best. Then I got pregnant about 2 months after I was called. I again tried my best. Sometimes just endured, but still tried my best. Doing my calling, getting my kids up and ready on Sunday's on my own. Arriving at the church by 8:30 a.m. to set up the primary room. Wrangling my kids alone during sacrament meeting. Putting the kids to bed alone 3-4 nights every week. Going on visits every week to visit the new families that moved in. (Which I could not have done with out my sweet teenage neighbor, Kelsie watching my kids for me.) Plus a lot more. I'm not going to lie, it was HARD sometimes. I had day's I wanted to sit in the corner, pull my knees into my chest,  and rock back and forth saying, "I love my life, I love my life, I love my life." Our primary had A LOT of kids. I tried my best to learn names, communicate with Primary workers, and get lost serving in my calling. It was a blast! I loved teaching sharing time, but sometimes I felt like I fell short. My favorite part of my calling was planning the baptisms for the kids turning 8. I loved attending those baptisms and feeling the sweet spirit it brought. Then I had Alice, all I can say is 4 kids is HARD! She is such an easy going baby, but she's still a baby that has needs. I tried my best managing nursing between sharing times, or helping out where I was needed. I tried my best to not give myself a pity party. I had a lot of excuses from the outside looking in to complain about my life. But I had examples in my life that seemed to be having a lot more trials or problems than I was. Like loosing their job, or a loved one. I would find myself complaining to myself that Brian would work a lot, then I'd reprimand myself and be grateful my husband had a job. Or that my kids were driving me crazy, but then I'd be thankful that my kids were healthy enough to drive me crazy. Or my husband has a demanding calling, but then I'd be so thankful that he is a worthy Priesthood holder who is worthy of such a calling. Or that I didn't have enough time or energy to do my callings as a wife, mother, and Primary counselor. But then I'd remember the Lord has asked me to do these things, and obviously has faith in me to do all this. I don't know anyone else that knows me that well to know what I am capable of.  I felt like I was holding things together until about 5 weeks ago. I had a rough day with......well life in general. I was driving home with the kids, Alice was crying in the car and I think someone was whining in the background. All I could think about was my huge list of things to do at home. I then realized I'd never really gone to  Heavenly Father with my pity parties. So as I sat at a red light I told the Lord about my stresses, worries, and that all this is just plain hard. I then heard him whisper to me, "What took you so long to tell me?" I felt his love so strong. He didn't make my life easier, or my children behave, or my calling magically just happen. But I knew he wanted to hear from me about EVERYTHING. Our ward split again this last Sunday, and the Primary president will be in the new ward, and were staying in the old ward. So the presidency has been dissolved, I'm released from this calling. It was fun, with some challenges thrown into the mix. But after this year, I've learned I CAN do hard things. The Lord knew it, I thought I knew it, but not until I actually was put to the test did I really know what I was capable of. I hope reading this it comes off as more positive than negative. I love my Savior, my husband, and my wonderful kids. And I love seeing the positive, rather than the negative in things. It sure helps make life A LOT easier.